Empowerment
On Monday morning at 7:30am the Moon was new again. The theme of Kindness last cycle took an unanticipated turn; the beneficiary of the Kindness ended up needing to be myself. The week following a wonderful Beltane celebration saw the final dental implant posts, and while the surgery itself was fine, I think we discovered a sensitivity to amoxicillin which leaves me feverish and fatigued.
The rest of the cycle was spent being very mindful of how I was moving through the world. A birthday and a quick trip for work helped to remind me how different my life feels these past few years.
It’s been said that my trip to Australia in 2019 was ‘outside the box’ for me – very much unlike the Sean people had come to expect. Since then there have been other ‘departures’ – letting my hair grow, losing weight, the trip to Los Angeles to see Mike & Micky perform. I’m happy with all of these, but it caused me to wonder what initially caused the shift.
Ever mindful of anniversaries, my answer was presented to me this month. May 15th marked five years since my mother’s passing.
I don’t know how my relationship with my mother presented to anyone else – even to her – but I know that for me it was a constant battle for me to not rock the boat. The stories and examples are numerous, but I very often self-censored – I wouldn’t write lyrics for fear of her reaction, I took great care in how I expressed myself because of historical criticisms. It’s no wonder that the diary entry written the week of her passing was entitled “Freedom”.
My memorial to her in that writing was “I do wish her well on her journey – she didn’t ask for, or want, what this life provided her – and I forgive her based on that. I hold no malice toward her or her spirit. She did what she was capable of – she just wasn’t capable of what she was called upon to do.”
I realized that it was after her passing that I took the first tentative steps toward not being quite so concerned about what other people thought – steadily tapping at the inside of my shell. During the trip to Hawaii in 2019 I got a taste of what I was like when I was younger – before I would build so many walls and contrivances that I would barely recognize myself.
Australia was the pivot though – it’s where I saw myself clearly, and truly felt that I was coming back toward my own center again. The years since – even with the pandemic – have been spent building on that feeling.
So, the theme this cycle is Empowerment. I think of it as blended with Kindness and thereby achieving a sort of compassionate assertiveness. Really, it all comes down to knowing yourself as completely as possible in a moment, and allowing that self to be free in the world.
The song this month is sung to myself. I have been waiting for “me” to join me on this journey for a long time. It’s as though my true self has always been singing: “I’ll be here when you are ready…” The pieces are finally coming together.
Categories: Blog, New Moon
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