Nox Amicus

Read the following poem by Emily Dickinson slowly, first silently, then aloud. Copy out the last line in longhand. Ask yourself honestly how it is true for you. Which phrase of the poem strikes you the most? How does this book ask you “to rise”? What steps are you taking in the practices in this book that help you release your “royal” energy?

We never know how high we are
Till we are asked to rise
And then if we are true to plan
Our statures touch the skies—
The Heroism we recite
Would be the normal thing
Did not ourselves the Cubits warp
For fear to be a king

I think has been very true for me. Until the last year or so I never gave myself enough credit for anything – never allowed myself to dare to be “king”. I would always down-play myself, or worse, sabotage myself. It was always a deep-seated fear of success. But with each incitement to “rise”, it occurred to be how much I was underperforming. Not just my potential, but my desire to perform. Be this in work, in music, in relationships… It wasn’t so much that I was content, I just wasn’t introspective enough to take stock of where I was an recognize that it wasn’t truly where I wanted to be. Although – acknowledging my own wants and needs took a long time to come around to as well.

I think the line that speaks to me the most is:

The Heroism we recite
Would be the normal thing

We tend to tout our achievements – and those of others – when things are noteworthy. However, if we rose to our own potential, then those things we recite as noteworthy now would be commonplace. As we grow, so too grow the expectations of what we might achieve. The phrase “don’t rest on your laurels” feels synonymous here.

We activate our potential when we break out of our sheltering routines and when we let go of our rigid unexamined beliefs. What are these for you?

For me this has always been “ignorance is bliss”. I would shelter myself by fully acknowledging what I didn’t know. “Write a report that does [this]!” and I would simply reply that I didn’t yet have that skill set. This would diminish the expectations and compensate for my own (perceived and self-reinforced) inadequacy.

Then something amazing happened. About ten years ago it dawned on me that the moment I would say “I have no idea how to do this” I would be infused with energy. So much so that I wouldn’t rest until the challenge was conquered. I began to see my “deficiency” as a call to rise up and become proficient. This dovetailed well with “no one ever learned anything by being right all the time”. I think this is one of the things that gave me the confidence to go back to school. “I don’t know” became a tool, or a key – rather than a shield.

I’d always had a tendency to understate myself – it was easier – don’t draw any attention, don’t stand out, and don’t make waves. It was part of my overall psychology. These days it’s more about learning how to gently but effectively stand up and be acknowledged for what I can bring to a situation – and accepting what I can’t.

Look into [the Zodiac] further if it appeals to you. Find the meaning of each of the signs and present it to yourself as a challenge. Notice that each sign has a positive and a negative shadow side.

I found a common source on meanings for astrological signs from Astrology.com and used those as a source to distill short capsules of light/dark qualities of each sign. I can see this becoming a much bigger project over time. For now, this is just a taste.

• Aries
  • Light: Leadership, pioneering spirit
  • Dark: More interested in the next challenge than finishing what they started. Hasty decisions
• Taurus 
  • Light: Deliberate, sensual, loyal
  • Dark: Can be stubborn and get in their own way. Can be argumentative.
• Gemini 
  • Light: Imaginative information sponges. Quick-thinking.
  • Dark: Adaptable to change to the point of indecision. Lack of follow-through.
• Cancer 
  • Light: Nurturing, protecting.
  • Dark: Can be overly emotional and reclusive.
• Leo 
  • Light: Ambitious, creative.
  • Dark: Can be too ambitious and take over where there rule is unwelcome.
• Virgo 
  • Light: Attention to detail, practical.
  • Dark: Can over-think a situation.
• Libra 
  • Light: Balance, communication, compromise
  • Dark: Might become gossipy and lazy. Might be too averse to confrontation.
• Scorpio
  • Light: Curious, intuitive, commanding.
  • Dark: Can be vindictive and self-serving.
• Sagittarius
  • Light: Free-spirited seekers, curious, philosophical.
  • Dark: Impatience, procrastination.
• Capricorn
  • Light: Practical, hard-working, patient.
  • Dark: Egotistical, high expectations of others
• Aquarius
  • Light: Philanthropical, friendly, inventive
  • Dark: Temperamental, eccentric.
• Pieces
  • Light: Spiritual, fluid, compassionate
  • Dark: Melancholy, lethargy, could be too sensitive

Look at the moon tonight. Picture it in all its phases. Compare life to phases.

New

The new moon is dark and without form; much like the spirit of a child. It exists, but hasn’t yet been acted upon so that it can grow. If we look at the Sun as a teacher, then the moon hasn’t developed any knowledge or wisdom in this phase. It waits to be shown the light

Waxing Crescent

As we move to the waxing crescent, we begin to learn and react. In our own lives this is when we first begin to develop concepts of cause and effect, realizing there’s more to our world than just ourselves.

First Quarter

By the first quarter we’re finally moving toward thought. We have some concepts and we’re able to make use of the information we have but not quite enough to truly manifest ourselves.

Waxing Gibbous

To me, this feels like our late adolescence. We can shine our light to the world… we certainly don’t have all the answers, but what we reflect is bright enough to illuminate some of the world around us.

Full

We’ve arrived. Fully actualized and ready for anything – showing ourselves at the peak of our ability. We know this can’t last, but we savor these moments as much as we know how to.

Waning Gibbous

We’ve seen our peak – but are still present enough to leverage all we are with the wisdom of where we’ve been. We might not shine as brightly as we once did, but we’re still a force to be reckoned with.

Third Quarter

We’re starting to slow down. We know our best days are likely behind us, but we can still shine our light into corners that need to be illuminated. Our wisdom, and ability to convey it, are entwined now

Waning crescent

We’re tired. We had a good, long run – but it’s time to reflect on where we’ve been and what we’ve accomplished – and lend what energies we have left to whatever will come next.