Nox Amicus

This was my fourth trip to THE Beltane and as been noted elsewhere, it was my most Beltaney-est Beltane ever. But there’s a deeper story.

Four years ago I was coming out of one of the darkest times in my life. Going to Beltane then was part coming home to elements of myself that had been forced into hiding and part pushing some sharp edges. But that first year I was blessed to share a cabin with genuine chosen family. It was during that first night that I woke and looked across to the next bed and saw the peaceful sleeping face of a dear sweet friend. I began then to feel the true universality of love. That it doesn’t need to be limited, or controlled, or even defined. That it can just be. Later at the fire, another old voice helped in my healing when she said “how deeply we feel the pain is how deep our love is”. At that moment my chosen family closed ranks around me. I owe them more than I can ever express.

My second year still has echoes of the pain of the prior year – this time somewhat recast. Again, more healing… spurred by the unexpected revelation of lingering love. The fact that love didn’t (and couldn’t) take root doesn’t diminish how bright that light was. Year two also had a spiritual component where I dared claim my identity – and found a dear, dear ally who stood beside me and held my hand. A bright and brilliant soul who is deeply missed.

Year three saw more growth and edges pushed… and old wounds healing. There was movement toward reconciling past hurts, and more confidence and assertions of my own self and not only my value, but defending the value of my family of choice. If year one was childhood, and year two adolescence, year three was young adulthood. Brave perhaps, but still naive.

Year four – this year – the pieces finally came together. Again nestled safely with family, I began to branch out and actually live Beltane. I met a new and beautiful soul, I was part of an amazingly deep four-way connection in the “Mindful Kissing and Foreplay” class, and I played publicly for the first time in nine years. I felt whole and I felt alive.

So many people made this Beltane the fullest and most healing to date, deep gratitude to each of you for ‘getting me’ and for being amazing souls in my life!!