Nox Amicus

There have been so many changes in my spiritual path over the past two and a half years that sometimes I don’t even know where to start. I’ve wanted to journal out here for a while, but each time I sat to write it became clearer to me that I was obligated to tell another story first.

In late 2013/early 2014 the grove that I was a member of was focusing the work of our rituals on the study of the Major Arcana of the Tarot. Through the course of that schedule, The Emperor card fell to me. Through my study of the card and its symbolism, I had locked-in on Zeus as a deific personification of the card.

At the time, from everything I’d read, I came to see Zeus as an opportunistic bully. Manipulative and self-serving, with little regard for anyone else or the consequences of his actions. This makes sense considering his place in the pantheon – he doesn’t have to care, so why should he? When he does express what could be seen as affection it comes across more as favoritism. In this way, he reminds me a lot of a dictator.

This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing for the Olympians. Much like Iraq seemed to function better with a dictator in power, perhaps the Olympic deities needed that kind of authoritarian control – but in my view, he imposed his power and control – and in return he received obedience, but not necessarily respect.

I’d been talking this through with friends and was given an interesting spin one day. I came up with “hmm, maybe he’s a bully?” and floated the idea. A trusted friend came back with “most bullies act out of insecurity” – which caused me to look at it from a different angle. What could Zeus be insecure about?

I was contending with a great deal at the time and felt “bullied” myself on a number of different fronts. Grasping for something within my control, I turned to wage war against Zeus. I tried to reconcile it, and somehow find compassion for him, but it just wasn’t coming.

Then as I was getting ready to go to a conference in March of 2014, I was walking through the apartment and my internal dialog spoke… “You’ve heard the legends, but do you know the truth?” I don’t understand how I knew it was Zeus calling to me. I stopped my packing and sat for a minute. Okay… you’re right. All I know is what’s been passed down – I don’t know any facts about you… just the stories. My war ended there. To quote Sun Tzu, “Know thy self, know thy enemy.” In that moment I no longer knew my enemy. (in retrospect I really didn’t know myself either, but that’s a tale for another time). In the peace of that moment Zeus spoke again – “you know what I was dealing with, could I have been anything else?”

Zeus was the King of the Olympians – surrounded by and ruling some very dysfunctional personalities. He could not govern by consensus – no one could with that crowd. He did the best he could with what he had.

Those two sentences from Zeus became great comfort for me in those following months.

Two days after He gave me those gifts, I was ‘unwelcomed’ from my grove, and (unbeknownst to me at the time) from my entire tradition. In the ensuing years, when I’ve been asked to recount the hows and whys I’ve been brutally honest both with myself and those asking. I’ve told the whole truth – including how I could have managed things much differently. Hindsight is always 20/20 – but given who and where I was back then, could I have been anything else? And to those who never bothered to ask, I’m comforted by the fact that they know the legends, but might never really know the truth.

In the past two and a half years, Zeus has been one of three deities who has stuck with me, counseled me, and protected me. My personal gnosis of Zeus is complex, but feels right. He interceded for me with a work thing earlier this month – one of the few times I’ve agreed to being okay with him working on my behalf. The next day, after things inexplicably fell together, I thanked him. Then I wondered – He does so much for me what can I possibly offer in return? The answer was immediate – I give him compassion and understanding. I don’t accept stories as truth and I try to understand what I can in context.

There can be more journal entries now. I needed to move from the past into the present. Thank you Zeus, I hope this pleases you.