Nox Amicus

Last night at 11:12pm the moon was new, and 46 minutes later Mercury went direct from retrograde. The whole Mercury Retrograde thing resonates with some people – the idea of communications being wonky and holding off on bigger choices until it goes direct again. I wasn’t really paying attention to it this time around, but as I sit to write this month’s intention, it seems relevant.

The last lunar cycle was about “Resolve”. For me, this was a concerted effort to be less obliged to assumed responsibility, and lacking an expressed “need” from elsewhere, giving credence and validity to my “wants”. I feel like I did this in spirit even when I didn’t have an opportunity to do it in practice. There were very few times I did or said something because I felt I was “supposed to” and many times when I expressed what was in my heart even though that might not have been what the audience wanted to hear.

Still – I’ve felt mired in something since I got back from Australia. The best word is ennui – just a listlessness and dissatisfaction. Some of that is due to the lingering issues with my knee, some of it is a result of clouds on the professional landscape, and some of it is just wondering where the next hill is.

When I was standing on the cliffs near Watson’s Bay, I had an opportunity to think about who I am – quiet, alone, and uninfluenced I felt like I was the one in the village who went out on his own and looked over the hill to see what there was to be seen. I wasn’t harvesting resources or building new villages – I was the one that said: “hey, that looks cool”.

I went for a quiet drive tonight and thought about this cycle’s intention – and decided on “Elevation”. I’m very much stuck in the weeds, feeling like I’m slicing through a savannah with a dull machete. There are hills to be found and scaled, and above the clouds there is clear sky. For those who are familiar with the Qabalistic Tree of Life – I need to focus less on Malkuth and set my sights back on Yesod.

Or as Michael Nesmith wrote in 1971 – “I lost the light, now I’m moving through the night, running from the Grand Ennui.”

Thanks, Nez.