Nox Amicus

As Tuesday moved into Wednesday this week, at precisely midnight, the moon became New Again. It’s the first New Moon of 2021 and a time for new possibilities – and in this case, time to dig deeper into the work of these posts.

During this past cycle my focus was on the business of the end of the year – primarily Releasing that which did not serve me, and in doing so, welcoming either something new or the space to allow better things to grow.

One of the things I’ve wanted to Release from last year was fear and anxiety. The last few months of the year saw it consume me – all of it based on historical triggers that can’t be erased, just re-framed. I focused a lot on things I had done that I wish I could undo, and on wrongs that were done to me. All the scars that make up who we are. My goal wasn’t to get rid of them – they are woven into my fabric – but I wanted to blend and soften them a bit.

Anxiety isn’t always bad. When I was young, starting at about five years old, I rebelled against the Catholic Church – there was SO much incongruity and hypocrisy (some of you know the story of when, at a precocious age, I asked a priest why he yelled so much during a homily). Fast forward a few years and there was a priest in my grade school parish who was the first spiritual leader that made sense. There’s a bit in the Catholic Mass just after the Lord’s Prayer known as the embolism. The line, spoken by the officiant, was “Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us peace in our day. In your mercy keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.”  Father Sullivan never said it that way though – he said “…from all undue anxiety…”. Suddenly faith could be malleable, even if it wasn’t taught that way. The addition of a single Word made me feel less edgy and more hopeful. Subconsciously, this was imprinted – “the words you use matter”.

A few years later my dad began working from home. He was a regional sales manager and traveled a lot – so why rent an office only he ever went to? I got to watch him at his IBM Selectric typewriter – typing letter after letter. Phones weren’t really his thing either – it was all about writing. I saw him type thoughts, crafting paragraphs on the fly. That stuck too. Words matter.

The lessons continued – public speaking in high school, radio in college, newspaper writing after that, the radio/television/film degree, the communications degree – words matter; what we say, and how we say them – right down to the nuance of choice. Sure – there have been times when I’ve spoken before I’ve thought and I really wished I could take something back – but I try to learn from those times.

A few weeks ago I started to explore TikTok. I had dismissed it – I just didn’t have time for the kinds of content I’d seen – but it’s tough to disregard a billion people. I created an account and let the algorithm guide me. I began to find “my people” – nerdy, geeky, shy, anxious, talented, confident – all finding new and different ways to express themselves. I liked, I followed, I chatted – I haven’t posted yet, but I already have 28 followers who are waiting.

The algorithm led me to someone who was singing an original song about their experience with bullying. Their performance was raw and powerful – if there was a genre for “punk-folk ukulele”, this was it. But there was a line at the end of the verse that floored me: “They don’t even have to hurt me to keep me in my place”. My years of fear and anxiety coalesced by someone else’s words. So I commented – like you do. My comment was basically “This powerful truth is resonant… thank you for putting words to my feelings too.” As of this writing 2100 people have ‘liked’ my comment. This person and their song touched tens of thousands of souls, and my gratitude was echoed by two thousand. Their words made a difference – and apparently, mine did too.

So the focus this month is Words. Which Words are used, when they are used, how they are used, who hears them, and what was their audience and intent? Sometimes the message is explicit, sometimes implicit, but every message eventually finds its audience.

No song this time – neither The Monkees nor Missing Persons fit this theme. But I will sign off with a quote from Rumi…

“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” -Rumi