Nox Amicus

On September 6 at 8:52pm, the moon was new. Monday night at 7:55pm the Harvest Moon was full.

The focus last month was Authenticity, and I spoke about trying to “surround yourself, and nurture relationships, with people who trust and value you for who you are and want to build space where there is relative safety.”  I didn’t realize how interwoven Authenticity and Safety would become during that cycle. The end of August saw one of my most disorienting panic episodes in years, followed that same week by some deeply triggering aftershocks. I did manage some healing time over that weekend and started to find my footing again. It was all about honoring how I was feeling above and beyond how I felt I was expected to feel. Putting one’s own oxygen mask on first.

The following weekend, Labor Day weekend, I had surgery on my jaw to place two implants. I had thought about what this month’s focus would be and even started to draft a post. Then on September 7th my body decided it was done. Fever and fatigue without explanation dug in for the better part of two weeks. It wasn’t Covid according to an antigen test, but I was out.

Being so out of it for the first two weeks of this cycle really drove that theme home – because there was no energy for being anything but Authentic. Those two weeks were limited to doing only what was necessary. Consequently I’ve been wrestling with this month’s focus. I didn’t want my original choice because we’re three weeks in and I haven’t been able to work with it at all. Two days ago I thought I’d chosen a fitting focus but that felt forced.

Today as I was walking, I reflected on last night’s band rehearsal and it hit me. Coming off the panic, the surgery, and the mystery illness – I’ve needed a Remedy. Surreptitiously enough, The Remedy was a song I’d suggested for the band the Sunday after my surgery and we ran through for the first time last night. It’s been my companion through my healing – and important lesson to not lose sight of what may be right in front of you.