Nox Amicus

On March 10th, at 5am the moon was new. It had just been five days earlier that I had posted my last focus of Wonder. This morning at 3am the Moon was new – so at least I am getting a little closer to marking the New Moon on time.

In the last post, I commented on how I had been focused too much on the stressors in my life and how that was getting in the way of my living in each moment, and living in a sense of wonder. I am happy to say that I have been able to incorporate that theme along with the one I had chosen for this cycle. Last week I was faced with several unexpected dilemmas – but instead of letting the gremlins convince me that the sky was falling, I simply accepted the circumstances, made a plan, and resolved them. 

This ability to live in Wonder, and simply set a Direction, reinforced my choice for this cycle. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the mundane nature of the day-to-day that we lose track of our necessary momentum. 

This reminds me of Matt Smith’s regeneration speech from Doctor Who:

We all change when you think about it. We’re all different all through our lives. And that’s okay, that’s good. You’ve got to keep moving. As long as you remember all the people that you used to be.

British Broadcasting Corporation. Doctor Who. British Broadcasting Corporation, 25 Dec. 2013, episode 241 – “The Time of the Doctor.”

These posts have always been a chronicle of change and (hopefully) evolution. What’s often been missing in my life, though, has been a personal sense of Direction. So often someone will ask me what I want – and I have said this before – I never can find “want” because I am so conditioned to pick from what I perceive are my available alternatives. I rarely allow myself to think outside the box and just ‘want’. I don’t choose my own Direction; I pick from available options. My recent professional dissatisfaction is a result of this paradigm.

Something is different this year though. I came into this year feeling a sense of urgency. During this past cycle, I attended a memorial service, participated in several spiritual separations, marked the anniversary of the passing of a sweet soul, and lost a former bandmate. Time is too short.

So this cycle I am being more mindful of Direction. What is MY path? Not just what is available or allowed, but what is actually desired?

One of the things that bothered me about my mother was her inability to express a preference until a decision had already been made. Life was a guessing game of what would work for her. I don’t ever want to subject anyone who might care for me to that. I might not be able to ‘want’, but I can start by expressing preferences.

Each Direction begins with a preferred step.

I heard this cycle’s song recently and identified strongly with it. With the tumultuous nature of the past few months and the growing unrest around us – it’s important to find a beacon – a lighthouse – to guide our Direction home.

Give me the beat, boys.