Nox Amicus

Today, on the last day of these posts, I’m grateful for:

1. Honesty. Be it with ourselves or with others, honesty truly is the best policy. Sometimes we might not see our truths immediately, and there is always room for personal growth – but my life has been profoundly better since I expressed that “I’d rather go down in flames wrapped in the truth than last a little longer in a lie.” Risk. Be vulnerable. Have twenty seconds of courage. Be whole in this moment.
2. Compassion. Again, with ourselves and with others. Looking at the world with deliberate eyes of compassion has formalized an aspiration I’ve had for a long time. We’re human, we react, and sometimes in not-so-nice ways – but if we ask ourselves ‘am I showing compassion in this moment?’ we can shake off a lot of the unnecessary spikiness and be more at peace with the Universe.
3. Gratitude. I didn’t realize how powerful it was – and that all good things stem from our ability to be grateful. I’m grateful to my sister who set me on this path when I didn’t think I had anything left to be grateful for. I thank my chosen family for helping to keep me true to it. I thank Sandra Clark for tagging me to take part in this week of public gratitude – it felt good to spend a week putting all these things into perspective.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. Teachers and mentors. No matter where we are in our lives there are those who we look to for guidance, wisdom, and insight. I’m very grateful for those you guide me on my paths, and I am blessed for the opportunities to be that for others.
2. My health. Yes – the ongoing dental issues are a fact of life, the the anxiety is something that needs to be watched – but I am very grateful that I am in good physical and (finally) mental health.
3. Landlords. This morning a broken hot water faucet in the kitchen, this evening – brand new kitchen faucet. Free but for the cost of a phone call. Sure I wish I had the investment a house could bring – but I traded that for grad school. There are still advantages to apartment living.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. Collaborations. Whether they’re artistic, professional, spiritual, or just for fun – the blending of multiple souls toward a common purpose is a beautiful thing to be a part of.
2. My decision to go to grad school. I agonized about it for months, but finally “it felt right”. Those two years cost a lot, personally and financially – but it made me better at whatever I put my talents toward.
3. My intuition. I was blind to it for a time – wandering in a maze of loss, self-doubt, and fear. Gratitude helped to heal those wounds and now that inner voice is clear and strong again. This time, I’m trying really hard to stay mindful of the blessing that it is.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. My spiritual path. I can’t explain it to some people, and won’t justify it to others – but it’s what moves me through my days and has taught me lessons of peace, compassion, and acceptance.
2. Exposure to different cuisines and the willingness to try then. When pressed for a “finger food” recipe I chose to remember a wonderful amuse–bouche and came pretty darn close to nailing the taste. Grateful too for warm souls willing to try my experiments.
3. Exercises to ground and center. Whether it’s repelling a panic attack, focusing during an assignment, or bringing a spiritual gravitas – I’m thankful to all the souls past and present who have taught me how to be in this moment.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. My car. I sometimes take for granted the mobility I have. Whether it’s errands, work, or time with people I care about, Sydney gets me there.
2. Pluto in Retrograde. I’ve been studying astrology more lately and realized Pluto has been in retrograde since April. What that means in general, and how it applies to my own life, has been interesting to examine. I’m grateful for all the lessons that has represented.
3. Accessible grocery stores. I went shopping today and needed some very specific ingredients. An Asian grocery near my post office had a hard to find spice blend, and Wegmans came through for me again. They didn’t have what I wanted on the shelf and I was prepared to just go to the other one (two Wegmans, equal distances from home apart, one has to be grateful for that!). The checkout person asked if I found everything, I explained my situation, and they tracked the product down – saving me a trip. I expressed gratitude at the time but it bears repeating. As we help, so are we helped.

Today I’m grateful for:

1. My job. it was literally days after I started my gratitude journal last year that I got a blind call from a guy in Denver who was working with an American division of a German company with an office 30 minutes from me. I seriously wouldn’t trade this job for anything – long hours and stress are part of it – but gratitude and appreciation abound too.
2. Helpful people at CVS. It’s allergy season, and my meds are on backorder – but I had the presence of mind to suggest an alternative they could accommodate. Yay breathing!
3. Self-worth. I existed a long, long time without much of it. If you respect yourself it’s a lot easier to let good things happen in your life.

Today I’m grateful for the following:

1. My friends, family, and chosen family. Your love, faith, and support have made the bright days brighter and then dark ones bearable. Thank you for helping me see that beauty in the little things.
2. The Universe. That means a lot of things to a lot of people, but for me it’s the totality of The All. From the lessons, big and small, to the gifts of every day – You have taught me the power of gratitude.
3. Music. Which has opened doors, prompted lasting friendships, and has provided both a brilliant soundtrack and the rhythm to carry me through.

I read this quote today and it stopped me in my tracks:

“Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep…feel it all – look around you- all of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.”
~ Amelia Olson via hellogiggles.com

To get into the hows and whys of the significance is more than I care to do right now. It feels like everything is in a state of flux – but I want to hold this space, and I want to remember this.